Friday's Funny

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING

WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish..................................49
Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone
Athletic................................No breasts
Average looking.....................Moooo
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure..................On medication
Feminist...............................Fat
Free Spirit.............................Junkie
Friendship first.......................Former Slut
New-Age...............................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s
Open-minded.........................Desperate
Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing
Professional...........................Bitch
Voluptuous...........................Very fat
Large frame...........................Hugely fat
Wants soul mate.....................Stalker

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes.....................................No!
No......................................Yes!
Maybe.................................No!
We need...............................I want...
I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry.
We need to talk......................You' re in trouble.
Sure, go ahead........................You better not.
Do what you want...................You will pay for this later.
I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH

I am hungry...........................I am hungry.

I am sleepy............................I am sleepy.

I am tired..............................I am tired.

Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage.

I love you..............................Let's have sex now.

I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?

May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.

Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex withyou.

Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

I don't think those shoes go with that outfit...I'm gay.

Courtesy of Stacy